Silence
by Nenalata
Summary: The only way Cam ever showed he cared was when he knocked on Ash's door at night. But even then, Ash always felt like Cam was just doing him a favour. Slash, Ash/Cam.


When Ash decided to get out of bed to answer the quiet—but insistent—knocking on the door, he did his damnedest to convince himself it was just a late-night caller. Someone with an animal emergency needed him at two AM. There was a fire in Bluebell. Someone needed their clothes taken off very, very badly and—

Ash swore and opened the door, and of course Cam was standing there as if he really _was _there only for a late-night, perfectly innocent visit. Ash folded his arms across his chest and glared at Cam's unperturbed expression, doing so mostly because the night air was finding its way through his thin undershirt.

"What are you doing here?" he hissed at his best friend, as if he didn't know. Cam only smirked at him and shrugged a little, not saying anything. "You shouldn't be here," Ash finally decided to say. "It's late."

"That's the only time I can come over, though," Cam countered, his smirk widening. He put his hands in his pockets, and as Ash's eyes instinctively followed the sudden movement, he realized that his straying gaze could be taken as something more suggestive. He cleared his throat and tightened his arms even more over his chilly chest, hardening his glare, but Cam only shrugged again, even more casually than before.

"Fine," Ash growled, and Cam wasted no time. He took off his hat with one hand and started peeling off his vest with the other, but Ash shoved him out the door before he could drop anything, closing the door behind him. "No, you're going to wake up my mom and sister. Let's go to the barn."

It was only afterwards, covered in hay, sweat and various bits of clothing, that Ash really allowed the feeling of uncleanliness to eat up at him. Cam, lying silent and motionless next to him, didn't help him feel better. But what was so unusual about any of this? Ash always gave in, and Cam was always so quiet and unfeeling.

What did Cam even get out of this, anyway? When had this all started, and _why_?

Cam's eyes were closed, but with the sweat drying and the night's chill starting to be felt, Ash didn't think he was asleep. He sighed and got up, trying to brush most of the sticks of hay off his skin with Cam's shirt. He debated washing up from the trough, but eventually decided he didn't want to dirty the memory of his barn even more than it had already been sullied. He couldn't look at their usual haystack anymore without blushing. The animals' sleeping forms were already silent witnesses to their darkness-covered acts—he didn't want them drinking out of the water he'd used to wash himself physically clean with.

Hay and fabric rustled behind him. That would be Cam getting dressed, Ash realized with a sigh. There was more confused rustling before Ash looked down at the bunched-up shirt wrapped around his fist, and he threw it in Cam's direction without looking. Cam didn't make a sound even then, only threw Ash's boxers at the back of their owner's head. Ash caught them and slipped them on hardly without blinking. No surprise there, either. They'd developed a pattern.

Cam left the barn without so much as a "good night" and Ash fought the urge to cry. Even a mocking "see you tomorrow" would have been better than this…_silence_.

And it wasn't even the fact that Cam was always so quiet when Ash was inside him moaning his name, and it wasn't even that stupid "gee I don't know what _am_ I doing here" shrug that he always gave every single night he appeared at Ash's house like the dirty secret that he was. No, what _really _hurt was the not-sex silence. What really hurt was how Ash would faithfully keep him company on the farmer's day off and Cam would never return the favor. What hurt was how Cam treated both Ash and everyone else in town with the same cold aloofness, as if they were all on the same level of importance. What hurt was how Cam's eyes softened when he watered his flowers, and what fucking split Ash's heart in two was how this type of passion would make Cam's olive eyes ignite into emerald flames when he was working hard on some grand bouquet. Cam _never_ looked that alive during their most intense nights save for a heavy blush that frankly could've been made by any hot temperature.

And yet Cam always came knocking on Ash's door every night he was free. It had always been like that, really. Before their relationship had spun into this crazy _this_, Cam had nodded and "mhm"ed and gone along with whatever Ash had suggested, and it didn't seem like such a big deal then. But one alone-and-dark night on Cam's eighteenth birthday, one or the other of them had found a few bottles of _really potent_ wine and the crazy _this_ had started before either one of them was really properly drunk. There didn't seem to be any awkward "uh are we friends or uh" moments afterwards, because not two days later Cam had knocked on Ash's door and shrugged that annoying shrug and everything had happened from then on.

* * *

><p>"Why's Cam's hat here?" Ash's jaw stopped furiously grinding a muffin into its painful demise as Cheryl's squeaky voice interrupted his thoughts.<p>

"What?" His sister was holding something in her hand, but the morning sun was angled just enough that all he could make out was

Purple hat. Cam's hat. He must have dropped it, but Ash thought he'd pushed him outside fast enough.

"Was he here last night, Ash?" his mother called as she brought in the morning's milk batch. "That silly boy! He's always having his mind on flowers, never paying attention to whether or not his head's cold!" She laughed, loud and bright, and didn't think twice about the matter. Thank the Goddess for small miracles. But why would she be suspicious, anyway? It's not like either of them had told anyone about their midnight adventures, and this silence had gone on so long that it would seem just awkward to bring it up to the town now.

"Cheryl, can you hand it over? It's Wednesday, so I'll be heading over to hang out with Cam anyway." Her annoyed squeal was really too loud, considering the frantic ringing in his head.

"But I want you to play with me! Cam has work today, so you should play with me instead!"

He snatched the hat out of her chubby little grasp as he stood up to clean up his plate. "But I already promised Cam I'd hang out with him today." What a lie, but better for her or anyone to stay ignorant of that. "It wouldn't be fair if I went back on my word to him, right? You don't like it when I go back on my word to you." Cheryl considered this, and he took this as acceptance. He ruffled her hair and slid out the door to herd the animals before she could complain.

Georgia was waiting for him outside, and he smiled at her as he headed into the yard. "I didn't know if your mama told you, Ash," she said without so much as a 'good morning,' "and I wanted to be the one to tell you first! Didja know there's a new girl coming to live here?"

"Yeah, I heard about that a few weeks ago. We've got that old farm fixed up for her for a while now."

She was trying to join him in the barn, but even though his mother had been in there a few hours before, he still didn't want company witnessing his embarrassed bumbling about a certain haystack.

Georgia snorted, finally giving up on trying to sneak in. Ash led the animals out in somewhat of a hurry, closing the barn doors out a little faster than he might have ordinarily. "Naw, I meant 'here' as in the mountain. The mayor just told me she hit her head and forgot she was gonna live in Bluebell, so from what I hear she's been hangin' out in Konohana for a few days now."

Ash paused brushing a sheep in surprise. "You're kidding. I thought the money and everything for the Bluebell farm had been transferred ages ago."

"Nope. Apparently this girl was gonna pay when she got here, so that made it all the easier for that Konohana mayor to snatch her up." Ash laughed a little in surprise. "It's not funny! Anyway, Eileen said she saw her headin' down the mountain, so I think we're gonna have some visitors."

Ash shrugged and hopped back over the yard fence. "Well, new blood is fun! And I bet it'll be nice for you to have another girlfriend to talk to, right? Maybe she'll be perfectly nice."

"Not if she chose to live in Konohana," Georgia scoffed.

"You should get back to work, Georgia," Ash said with a smile as they entered the town square. "Wouldn't wanna go hurting any—"

"Well, there she is now," she interrupted him. Ash followed her gaze and felt his smile drop as he saw who the new girl was talking to. Muttering some type of farewell to the redhead, Ash took off for his best friend's flower stand.

"Hey, Cam," he called as he strode up, interrupting whatever the girl was saying. He gave her a cursory glance before continuing. "You left—"

"One moment. I need to ring Lillian up." Cam lovingly placed quite a few bags of seeds into a woven basket the girl seemed to have brought with before turning to Ash again. "What is it?"

"You left your hat at my house," Ash answered, struggling not to make his tone sound anything more than something ordinary a friend would say to another friend. Once he caught the appreciative look the girl was favoring Cam with, he quickly changed tactics. "You need to stop leaving things whenever you come over," he said with a little laugh. _That's right, Konohana girl. He comes over _really_ often_.

Harvest Goddess save him. What was _wrong_ with him?

Cam made a noncommittal sound, but it was slightly comforting that he moved a few bits of merchandise over to make room for Ash to sit. He adjusted his newly recovered hat back on his head while he pocketed the gold. He didn't even try to introduce the new girl to Ash, as was his way. The girl took the initiative instead.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you," she said with a warm smile. "I'm Lillian. I'm the newest farmer over at Konohana."

"I'm Ash. I work at the animal farm here. My mom runs the shop there—I hope we'll see a lot of business from you." Curse his driving need to be polite to women! "I'm impressed—it must be hard work for a girl to run a farm all by herself."

Lillian looked a little stung by his comment. "Actually, I've worked on a farm all my life. I just decided I needed a change of scene, that's all."

An awkward, cold silence descended upon the two, but Cam seemed willfully oblivious to it all. After a few moments, he spoke up, as if the previous exchange hadn't happened at all. "Did you need something, Ash? You're not usually here so early."

Ouch. "Nah, I just finished work early. I just thought I'd keep you company, that's all."

Lillian left, presumably to go greet the other villagers, and Ash pretended for a few hours that he was there because Cam wanted him to be.

* * *

><p>When Lillian made the long trek down the mountain to show off her first flowers to Cam, Ash didn't think too much of it. She'd given his mother her very first chicken egg, after all, so all it seemed to him was that she was trying to build a good connection to the other village. But he soon realized that she was coming all the way down the mountain every <em>day<em>, even when all she had to offer was some moondrop flowers, and suspicion began to grow in Ash's heart. This, of course, was utterly _ridiculous _and frankly a little clingy, because he and Cam had never once said that their relationsh—whatever it was that they had together was _exclusive_ or anything substantial, much as Ash might secretly wish it.

Reason went to the blazes when Cam said he couldn't hang out because he and Lillian were going to go look for spring flowers before the season was over. Jealousy curled deep in the pit of Ash's stomach, but he hid his emotions as best as he could and tried not to think of how Cheryl-like he was being.

Ash didn't know why he was making such a big deal out of the whole sordid affair, and Cam probably didn't either, if his insouciant attitude was anything to go by. Ash was mostly concerned about the small-minded nature of his town—not only were two men in a somewhat mutually beneficial sexual relationship, but it wasn't even one in which both partners were clear about their feelings?—and Cam seemed to understand this. Ash was stuck with his decision to remain silent, and now that it seemed like Cam had found someone more appealing than Ash, he was finally going to pay for it.

It was the end of the hottest summer the mountain region had experienced in a while, and Cam hadn't knocked on Ash's door in a week. And for the seventh night that entire Cam-less week, these unhappy thoughts were rolling about under Ash's sweat-soaked brow. He tried to find a more comfortable position in bed that wasn't already made unpleasant with sweat, sighing in defeat when his efforts only made him even sweatier. The house's stifling heat was made more claustrophobic by the absence of his mother and sister—they'd gone off to visit Jessica's father for a day, and Ash had to stay home for the animals—and it felt like that, without other beings to focus on, the thermometer-shattering air only had Ash's poor body to focus on. Ash didn't think he even had enough water in him to spare for tears.

A quiet, familiar knock startled him out of his misery. Ash was racing to the door faster than he thought his fatigue would allow him. Cam stood before him, silence about him save for the sound of cicadas, and gave an unapologetic shrug.

Ash lunged for his best friend before he could think about it, entangling his sweaty fingers in Cam's silky blond tresses as he slammed his mouth down on the other boy's. Though moments before the last thing Ash would have wanted was another hot body pressed against his own, now he wrapped his hand around Cam's head and kissed him even harder. Cam's surprised gasp provided the perfect time for Ash to run his tongue along the edge of his best friend's teeth before raking it across his palate, and the ensuing moan made the past week of solitude worth everything. For once, Ash didn't berate Cam for stepping into the house without asking first, too intent on ridding him off his horrible, heat-retaining clothing. Even in Ash's frenzied, possessive state he could understand that it was too much to hope that Cam would take the initiative, so he broke the kiss long enough to push Cam down on his bed before continuing where they'd left off.

It wasn't anything near making love, but it wasn't fucking, either. It wasn't any different from usual except Cam actually made sounds of pleasure, and if that was the best Ash could get, he would take it. He didn't know how much longer they would have before Lillian took Cam away, and he wanted anything Cam would give him before that happened. When they had worn each other out, Cam fell into a light doze, and Ash carefully wrapped his arms around the other boy's back and pretended they belonged to each other.

* * *

><p>"Did you know that Lillian is going to move to Bluebell come fall?" Cam asked once he was finished readjusting his hat. The hat, of course, that he'd left at Ash's house. Again. Ash felt his blood freeze and tried to keep his expression neutral.<p>

"I think your hat just misses my house," he said instead. "That's one of my old hats, right? It's probably trying to escape and come back home."

"I don't know why she's moving. She grows the most beautiful flowers, and so many of them," Cam said quietly. He stared off the side of his stand blankly for a moment before turning a lazy smile to Ash. "Maybe you'll be seeing more business from her, if she's looking for bigger barn space."

"I don't want more business from her," Ash scoffed before he could think about it. Cam blinked slowly. "I just, you know, she doesn't have many animals, right? She might not be used to the work more of them require. I don't want the animals to be mistreated or something."

Cam didn't say anything for a moment, but the air around him had grown frostier. "You can ask her yourself," he finally said, straightening up. "Here she comes."

Sure enough, Lillian came running up the town square stairs. Ash hated her for a moment as he realized the new outfit she was wearing was really quite flattering on her. To his surprise, it was he that she'd come to talk to, not Cam.

"I have the eggs, milk and money you requested, Ash," she said breezily. Ash stared at her in confusion. "Hello? The stethoscope?"

"Oh! Right." He'd been carrying it around for so long that he'd figured she'd decided not to get it. "You're making me feel a lot more comfortable now that you have this, Lillian. Now you'll be sure your animals aren't getting stressed or unhappy."

She almost snatched the stethoscope out of his hands. Then again, he'd hurriedly grabbed her products and cash. "I'm sure it'll be easier, yes, but there was no reason for you to be concerned in the first place. I'm not some pathetic, incompetent little girl." Ash was floored by this comment, but Cam seemed unperturbed. Her sour expression lightened when she caught sight of Cam behind him. "Evening, Cam! You done work? I made some tom yum goong I thought we could share for dinner." Cam's expression was as close to ecstatic as Ash had ever seen it, and the sharp barb of jealousy in his heart tightened. _Bitch_.

"I'm done for the day, yes," Cam replied, packing up. "I'm happy to see you. There was something I wanted to ask you about, anyway."

Ash went home as the two of them set up for their date and pretended that what he was really feeling was dread at the tea party tonight he'd promised Cheryl.

* * *

><p>"Oh, I forgot to tell you, Ash; I'm getting married tomorrow," Cam said at dinner one evening. Three pairs of cutlery clanked to three plates as Ash and his family stared. When Ash had invited him over for dinner, he'd hardly expected <em>this <em>conversation.

"Oh, Cam, that's wonderful! Is it Lillian? That's so romantic!" Cheryl squealed. She seemed almost as happy as if she _herself_ was getting married.

"I'm so happy for you, Cam. Congratulations," Jessica said warmly. Cam only shrugged and smirked a little. "Why didn't you tell anyone sooner?" Cam only shrugged again. They finished up dinner with the women happily grilling Cam for details, and no one noticed when Ash scraped his uneaten dinner into the compost bin.

The wedding the next day was beautiful if you were happy and depressing if you were jealous, but all the townspeople except Ash all claimed it was the former. Both he and Lillian knew his congratulations weren't all that heartfelt, and by the narrowing of her eyes he knew that she would step up the competition with her animals, even though it was the dead of winter. What made it a little worse was that Ash couldn't even tell if Cam knew of their rivalry for both his affections and their farms, and after all these years of friendship Ash couldn't read Cam's expression to see if he was enjoying the little bit of drama or truly ignorant of it.

Ash stumbled home at least an hour before any of the other wedding guests even considered going home and popped open a bottle of scotch from his mom's "secret" cupboard. Feeling immature and pathetic by drinking his problems away was a kind of masochistic joy. The burn of alcohol numbing his lips and tongue was almost a welcome unpleasantness, and he reveled in feeling undesirable and impulsive and stupid. Even crashing into the table and bruising his shin something horrible as he lurched to the bathroom to throw up the bile his empty stomach produced made him feel almost a little better. Once he was quaking and empty and leaning against the dirtied toilet seat, he allowed himself to cry, great drunken sobs and tears that he would be ashamed of once he'd sobered up.

* * *

><p>Since that passionate night alone in the house, Cam had never knocked on Ash's door at two AM like he'd done so regularly before. The knowledge that this would never happen again hurt Ash like salt to a wound, and this loss nearly shattered him in the days following Lillian's wedding. Part of what hurt was that he didn't know <em>why<em> he missed it—he still saw Cam every day, still tried to be his usual casual best friend on Wednesdays, so it wasn't like he was physically losing him. Added to the logic was that there had never been anything _sensual_ in their twisted little relationship to begin with. Ash never knew why he kept giving in, nor did he understand what on earth possessed Cam to come by those nights, considering he experienced his pleasure in silence and apathy, as if Ash didn't even need to be there.

He was slowly coaxing himself into repairing himself, and he was fairly certain he would be stronger by the time he was done. He'd even managed to be cordial to Lillian when she stopped by his house for animal supplies, and the cheer in her usually cold eyes that these greetings elicited made him feel a little more human and less like some sex-crazed fiend. It had only been a week since the wedding, and already Ash was shakily getting to his feet again. Being strong so he could protect those who weren't was an instinct in him.

Someone knocked quietly on his door. Ash woke up in a mix of excitement, fear, and shame, as if nothing had changed. His eyes strayed to the clock. One AM. Cam never came before two, and he relaxed. It was probably Lillian again—her cow had given birth suddenly last night to a premature calf, and she'd said she'd drop by either today or tomorrow to give them an update on its condition.

Ash opened the door without thinking to put on a coat to combat the early spring chill, and of course Cam was standing there. "What are you doing here?" Ash hissed in horror. Like always, Cam looked around, smiled and shrugged, and like always, Ash gave in.

**[end]**

_AN: So I've totally been hiding from FF dot net lately, so here's a story as apology! If anyone thinks I needa up the rating, please let me know. I feel like this would be PG-13 in a movie, but maybe it's M as a video game...? Whatever. Let me know, and hope you liked this! (EDIT: pretty sure I got that there grammar mistake. If I was wrong, drop me a line.)  
><em>

_and yes this is another idea that me and a friend had that seemed funnier than it turned out to be._


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